So Bad it’s Good
#15 : Masters of the Universe (1987)

Guilty Pleasures that we enjoyed – even though we don’t quite know why.

Movie Title : Masters of the Universe
Released 1987
Starring Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Courteney Cox, James Tolkan, Meg Foster, Christina Pickles
Directed By Gary Goddard

What is it? : The first – a second is on the way from producer Joel Silver – film adaptation of the popular 80s cartoon and toy-line, ‘’He-Man’’. When Sylvester Stallone passed on playing the lead role of the blonde (!) warrior, it opened a gateway for his “Rocky IV” ‘opponent’ Dolph Lundgren to score one of his first starring roles.

In the film, directed by Gary Goddard and penned by David Odell and Stephen Tolkin, He-Man and his group of freedom fighting friends are inadvertently transported to Earth by a strange Comisc Key which holds the power to make the evil Skeletor (Frank Langella – who went on to bump uglies with Whoopi Goldberg. I know…ewwww!) er, even more powerful than he is. Once on Earth, He-Man joins forces with ‘Monica from Friends’ to find the key and thwart Skeletor… until the sequel [that never came].

What’s wrong with it? : It’s just not “He-Man” – and I’m sure everyone involved in it knew that. The first “Masters of the Universe” movie should have been an origin movie that explained how a Duran Duran-reject like Adam (that’s He-Man’s alias) ended up becoming the most powerful Iron-Man on the Planet Eternia. It should also have explored the relationship between the warrior and the blue-boned Grim Reaper-wannabe Skeletor. Instead, Goddard’s film seems to totally gloss-over the events of the cartoon series – there’s nothing in here that even suggests He-Man has an alter-ego, ‘Adam’, and what’s with Evil Lynn trying to overthrow Skeletor? Aren’t they supposed to be comrades? – and instead just borrows the characters names, and little else, for a story that takes them – for budgetary reasons – to Earth. You don’t start at “Star Trek IV : The Voyage Home” Gaz, you start at “Star Trek”!

In addition, the budget really let the film down. For starters, they had to replace He-Man’s sidekick Orko with a new character named Gwildor… who’s like an annoying Muppet/Human hyrbid. Also, the film was originally supposed to be set on the Planet Eternia but when the money started to dry up, that idea was scrapped and they just moved the storyline to a non-descript American city. Boring. Oh, and the director apparently had to finance the whole end battle sequence between He-Man and Skeletor because there was no money left in the budget to fund it. Sad times.

Finally, where the heck was She-Ra?!

What’s right about it? : For starters, Dolph Lundgren makes for a pretty mean He-Man – I seriously can’t think who else you would’ve cast in the part in 1987. Maybe you would’ve gone younger, I dunno, but Lundgren looks and – for the most part – acts the part. It’s a good match. In addition, Frank Langella has fun as Skeletor, Chelsea Field (who now sleeps with Scott Bakula) makes for a pretty hot Teela and you can’t do any better than Meg ‘Death Eyes’ Foster as Evil Lyn – even if she didn’t seem to be playing the same Evil Lyn from the series.

Most of all, its fun – in that Joel Schumacher does “Batman” way. Nothing about it resembles the source material – like the abovementioned “Batman” sequels that Captain Leather Pants directed – but its campy tone, cheap but effective costumes and “Voyage Home”-ish storyline easily entertains. Yes, it’s more of a comedy than an action movie, but it’ll still entertain.

Most importantly, and considering how much the film was made for, “Masters of the Universe” isn’t a bad comic-book movie – in fact, it’s probably better than half of the superhero/comic-book movies that have been released in the past twelve months (and they probably cost about 5 times of what “Masters” cost!). I tell ya, I’d much rather sit through “Masters of the Universe” again than say, “Ghost Rider” or “X-Men: The Last Stand”.

Why is it so bad it’s good? : Because sometimes it’s fun to sift through trash – you can come across absolute gold, other times you come across annoying Muppet characters voiced by Billy Barty.

- CLINT MORRIS

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